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Lyrics are from Calle 13's song Latinoamérica. Mural found in Villa Soldati, Buenos Aires, Argentina. |
Recently, I was asked to give a speech at Dartmouth College's first Latinx Heritage Month Gala. That speech is below:
The
question that was posed to me before coming here was to speak about my work as
an AfroLatina and tie it into the theme of Resilient Identities.
Not
to sound cliché, but when I think of resilience I think of Tupac Shakur’s poem
The Rose that Grew From Concrete.
“Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the
concrete?
Proving nature's law is
wrong it
learned to walk with out
having feet.”
When I think of
resilience I actually think of burden- and the burden that so many of us carry
as people of color, which forces us to have to be resilient- otherwise we will
remain under the concrete.
When I think of
resiliency I think of the fact that afrolatinx are alive and well in Latin
America. That my curly hair and olive skin survived the trans-atlantic slave
trade, and colonization and the constant messages from white supremacy that i
have to
Straighten
Whiten
Thinnen
Hide
Myself.
And so many parts of who
I am. And who we are as the descendants of one of the worst crimes in
humanity in Latin America.
But before I got to that
understanding, a lot had to happen within myself and my own consciousness.
When I was a little girl
growing up in the Dominican Republic, I remember someone called me “morenita”.
And my response was “Yo no soy morenita, yo soy indiecita”. I’m not black, I’m
indian. The myth of mestizaje and reclaiming of indigeneity to serve
nationalist and independist purposes from previous centuries somehow
managed to survive to the late 1990’s and early 2000’s when I already learned
that to be black was a bad thing. And so I almost lived in this disconnected,
outside of my body internalizing self-hatred and learning that the best things
about me were those that were close to whiteness. And that is my experience as a light-skinned
afrolatina, other afrolatinxs with darkskin cannot walk away from the stigma.
The afrodescendents of
the Dominican Republic and many other Latin American countries experience this
denial which others call self-denial of blackness, but I concur that it’s
blackness denied by the state because blackness
cannot exist without it being in direct resistance to what the state
unfortunately continues to uphold: capitalism
and white supremacy.
And while denial of
blackness is one of the things that many speak of when speaking of AfroLatinxs,
the truth is there is a denial of humanity and dignity tied to this as well.
And this is what I mean by blackness
being in direct resistance to the state. Black people in latin america are some of the poorest across the
continent- you have displacement happening in Afro-Colombian communities,
chemical studies against people taking place in Puerto Rico, anti-Haitianism
across the continent, and an unwillingness to name that racism is causing this—because
of, again, the myth of mestizaje--that is that we are all somehow a joyous
amalgamation of different races living together in harmony.
We’re not.
Because although there is
a harmonious way in which sticks caress drums to the sound of the Spanish
guitar to create salsa, and in the way in which rice and beans are so perfectly
complimented by sweet plantains, the African-influence in these dishes and our
music are practically invisible in the larger narrative of Latinidad. We don’t
celebrate Afro-latinidad.
Although I was not
consciously black and I embraced the Latina label, the reality is Latina never
truly claimed me.
In one of many
conversations at a Rutgers dorm during my undergraduate career, my friend told
me something that explained why I wasn’t included in the Latina label and why
this dislike of Dominicanness existed in Latinx culture: she told me that they
don’t like us because a lot of Dominicans are black. And immediately it all
clicked, it all made sense. Immediately I could see how the things disliked
about Dominicans that I thought were tied to a culture of joy, a culture of
resistance, a culture that embraces music and that speaks loudly with mouth
wide open as if every word was the beginning of a song, were seen by others as
loud, of low class, ugly, and essentially synonymous with a warped, negative
view of blackness.
I immediately understood
why Univision never had a Latina with hair like mine, or big natural kinky
curls. Immediately I understood why when travelling, I related more to my
Caribbean peers from non-Spanish speaking countries than white upper class
Latinx exchange students who spoke my same language.
And this doesn’t only
happen to Black latinxs, the truth is black and brown struggles are deeply
tied.
Within Latinidad, it is
common to celebrate European Descendency as a way of othering from other people
of color, and sometimes we celebrate indigenous heritage but only as a vehicle
for achieving independence and hypernationalism, and only as a gimmick--like
during el Dia de la Raza, known in the US as Columbus Day.
And the issue with that
is that Latinidad is so much more than a myth of mestizaje. And that must be recognized in order to
include the elderly man who is working selling paletas past what is deemed as
regular retirement age—you can see him struggling in the streets to push his
cart, the black Latina teacher making a difference in student’s lives by
encouraging them to be their best, the little girl who is told she is Latina
but she doesn’t see her afro or dark skin represented on the media, farm
workers and laborers across the continent.
When
we talk about resilience in the Latinx community, let’s include those people as
well.
You
see, people who are born with privilege, not living in poverty, don’t need to
be resilient—they have connections, and if they’re white, they don’t have
stereotypes or microagression attached to them, they are financially in a
better place and from a young age go to schools with resources dedicated to
putting them on a path to success –in special cases, they can easily get loans
from their fathers and even pay their way into a presidential election.
I
wrote in a blogpost years ago about my difficulties being a woman of color in
journalism, about the many micro-aggressions I experienced as the only woman,
sometimes the only person of color, sometimes both in spaces dominated by white
men like behind the scenes of the journalism industry. About how I was tired of
fighting so hard to find my place. I thought I had done everything right: I
graduated from a good school, had a decent GPA, did two internships, spoke
three languages fluently, worked in the school newspaper, RUTV, and radio
station. And yet after graduating I found myself taking a job at a clothing
store: a reality many millennials find themselves in. I found myself sleeping in
my sister’s couch. I found myself barely making it and with shattered dreams
realizing at that moment that the American Dream I thought of when riding back on
a plane to the US at age 15 is a myth.
In
September, renowned author Junot Diaz was one of the recipients of the 29th Hispanic
Heritage Awards. During his speech he said, I quote, “Our community is the
paragon of strength, of resilience, of creativity…We in the Latino community
are among the greatest heroes our world has known. And yet despite all we do
and all we are, we find ourselves attacked and demonized and endangered. Not
just in this country, either. All over the world communities like ours are
under assault.” End quote.
When
I came back to the United States, and I say “back” because I was born here but
left at the young age of three, I wanted to believe that working hard was
enough, that fighting was enough. I wanted to believe that just being positive
was enough. Because believing that, is often easier than accepting that our
community is under assault. And it wasn’t until my own graduation, when my
dreams were shattered and the myth that places the United States as the home of
freedom and equal opportunity for all fell apart, that I was able to see the
inequalities surrounding us.
I
bring this up to say that I ended up getting into the work that I do as Radical
Latina because I was hurting. I started writing about this pain, I started getting
into community organizing, I started voicing these concerns, and seeking to put
a dent in this narrative from the perspective of a millennial Afro-Latina from
the Caribbean and a 1st generation college graduate.
And
now, there’s many ways in which pain is romanticized and resiliency
romanticized with it—quotes that say you must hit rock bottom to go up, or we
can only be made stronger through suffering and hardships. And while some of
these may be true for many, for people of color there is no choice. If you want
to get ahead, you have to be resilient. If your family is already in a good
place, it’s because someone in the past was resilient. You have to work twice
as hard, you have to get through hoops, sometimes you have to assimilate—and if
you spend enough time in spaces away from home you actually do change and have
to fight to stay true to your roots.
So
I invite us all to redefine resiliency.
I
have been thinking about my grandmother a lot. She passed away in 2012, the
night after I graduated from Rutgers University with my undergraduate degree.
I
think of all the questions I should’ve and could’ve asked, of all the stories I
didn’t hear.
Lately,
she’s been showing up in my poetry too.
There’s
this saying that everyone in Latin America, particularly Caribbean countries
has a black grandmother, like you’re not black pero “y tu abuela”.
For
many of us, we might have darker skin than our grandmothers, or share her skin
complexion like I do.
And
yet still when I think of my grandmother, I can’t think of a better example of
someone who was black though she herself might not have been aware of it—I
guess it’s a question I’ll never know the answer to.
My
grandmother spoke English as if her tongue was a machete slicing through
centuries of English and Spanish colonialism. She renamed a lot of
stores like Chorai instead of Shop Rite. Pajmai instead of pathmark. And she
would smoke a cigar every night, something that I learned recently at least in
Cuba was tied to indigeneity.
And
when I think of resilience, no better example comes to mind than her. You see,
there’s the example of the rose that grows from concrete—and usually for those
examples we think of college graduates, we think of first generation doctors,
lawyers, we think of the one who managed to own property. We think of those who
get out of the hood.
But
there are people like my grandmother who were roses too. And tonight I
want to direct my attention to those people, those black and brown folks who find
themselves excluded from Latinidad, the ones in struggle, the ones who are
undeniably black and know it, the ones who might not be aware of their
blackness and yet are unapologetically black in their actions and words and
culture and music and dance and sometimes even their politics. I want to direct
my attention to all people of color from Latin America, the ones not in this
space, the señora selling mango with chili by my job in Union Square, the
single mother collecting food stamps who’s image is used by conservatives as a
way of perpetuating negatives stereotypes against us, yet she is in many ways
the backbone of our communities.
Resilience
is in us because it must be.
And
tonight I want to celebrate the resilience that exists simply because it can,
even in the moments where we are okay, even in the moments where a payment was
made on time and we get into the school of our choice and dad gets out of work
early. The resilience that should be there, the one that we should be fighting
for—I want to celebrate the resilience that comes from within and the fire that
exists in us because we are a people who not only excel in difficulties but
also celebrate life so powerfully and magestically. Like the elderly man who
sold paletas, his name is Fidencio Sanchez, and he had an indiegogo for him
that raised over $300,000 and he has decided to share that with others. Like Nadia
Lopez, an afrolatina educator making huge strides as the principal of Mott Hall
Bridges Academy—instead of suspending her students, Lopez brings them into her
office and motivates them to keep going. Like Sulma Arzu-Brown, a garifuna
woman from Honduras who wrote a bilingual book called “Pelo Malo No Existe”,
“Bad Hair Does No Exist”, for her two daughters to read. Like Mama Tingó, a
guerrera who fought for land workers in the Dominican Republic. Like my
grandmother who fed everyone every night in her home, and who would caress me
softly while singing as she put me to sleep.
As
we continue pushing for our community to be free of the shackles of residues
and left overs of colonization, let these moments be the main course—let this loving resilience be what helps us
heal, let this resilience lead us in
the path towards a better future and liberation. Let the resilience of the kind
that must exist so that we can survive have no need in our lives anymore.
Thank
you.
1 comments :
Wow. Amanda, I have to say thank you for your honesty & for this post. I never understood what drove my writing. I was always interested in race, gender & sexuality but it wasn't until recently when I began to learn myself and how to love myself that I finally understood how much of my identity was mixing in with being a light-skinned Dominican-American woman who was somehow neither Dominican nor American. I used to think my writing was about me, but really my writing is about my parents and their parents... and all the things I'm unlearning that they yet can't see or understand in their own lives. I want to give them voices to speak, ears to listen, eyes to see because against everything, they still came out on top.
Your piece helped illuminate so much more for me. Again, thank you.
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