Not sure how to start this blog. Yet again I’m not sure
about anything that I’ve grown up to believe anymore. I’ve been wanting to
write this for about two days and I’ve thought of many ways of starting yet a
clever introduction feels unnecessary. Life is banal. No need for wittiness,
for a purposeful introduction when it seems like there is no purpose to our existence
anyway. People may think there is a plan for everyone, but what happens when this
plan cannot be fulfilled? What happens when you realize the beautiful scent of
flowers is as meaningful as life can get (Yes, I got girly, I apologize but the
way in which I was brought up—as most females—has me thinking of flowers and
romance and body image and my hair).
I have recently begun
seeing this idea of “purpose” in our everyday existence as something driven by
the capitalist society in which we live. From the moment when we are asked
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” life becomes about pursuing goals,
chasing dreams, and becoming “successful”. As children we question everything,
we go about our daily lives fearlessly climbing trees, eating bugs, and letting
our parents pick our clothes. Yet, ones the teens come, so do the questions
about our future, about sexuality, about our identity and about that daunting
question “what are we going to become?”
And for many of us, this goal, this dream becomes our only driven
“purpose” in life. My goal was to graduate college and become a news reporter,
live in a cute closet sized apartment in the city, and be happy by seeing my
name in print. Then some dude would come, propose, we’d have kids, and I’d
become a soccer mom who either has a position as a television reporter, or who
works for a non-profit organization that aids in women’s issues or who writes
for some magazine. Instead I am becoming what people call “a nobody”. My
success has been halted by the constant rejection from employers who continue
finding better candidates than me- the same goes for other aspects of my life.
I am sleeping in an airbed in my sister’s studio apartment in Bayonne, NJ. The
most affection that I get is from my sister’s puppy Mia. In January I will
start working a job that I am already dreading and yet it’s the only
sustainable opportunity I have found—a substitute teacher in public schools. I
also have a part-time job that, although it is better than working at Easy
Pickins on Bergenline Ave (a commercial street in West New York, NJ), it feels
like I’m wasting my skills by trying to convince students to come to an
overpriced small, private university.
My point with this
post is not to complain about what has become of my life, my “dream”, my
“purpose”. Nor is it to complain about my lack of “success”. My point is to
actually explain success and why I am on my way there. You see, “success” is nothing but a comparison to others. We live in a society where our skills have
a price, and the way in which we market this skill is what ultimately defines
our chances for success. And that is completely and utterly sick. From
disparities in job wages often related to what positions are predominantly
female, to the little access many low-income communities have to a good
education, the capitalist version of “success” is ultimately not an
individual’s decision. 81 percent of education majors are female, as are 88
percent of health-care majors. 80 percent of those entering the fields of
computer science, information technology, and engineering are males. I don’t
think it needs to be said that on average teachers
earn less than engineers. Many ignorant, blind people out there will say
that obviously it’s because the latter jobs generate more revenue than the
former…yet am I the only one who doesn’t think that teachers, who
are constantly under attack by the way, are some of the most important members
of our society and ultimately the ones who help build future generations? They
are an example of a group that deserves to earn more. Yet growing up under a
capitalist system, we become completely alienated individuals when it comes to
this idea of “success”. We are all in an imaginary line where the lowest point
(to me at least) is sickness, followed by poverty, followed by those with a
college education and so on. At the end of that line is the one percent, yet
none of us realistically expect that of ourselves, all we want is to be
somewhere on that second half of that line—a comfortable job, a big beautiful
home, and I’m sure dreams ranging from wanting kids, to constantly travelling,
to becoming famous, etc. We are told to do what we love once we “grow up” yet
this thing that we choose to do somehow comes to define us. Our career becomes
our goal, and we forget about the rest. Many think “I am blessed” or “God is
good” (let me not even go there) whenever they get a raise, or whenever
something that is good for their careers occurs. Yet is a career what really
made up your life when you were younger? Is a career really the only way in
which human beings can become the best that we can be? No! I am honestly done
with living a life that is driven by my career. I am excited about letting go
of the imaginary line of success and finally just living and doing the things
that I love, the things that I truly love that are not related to a career. But
this is difficult because bills need to get paid, I need to be fed and I can’t
sleep one more night on that air bed. So we become stuck in this “survival of
the fittest” competition that is clearly in need for a change. There should be
more to life than the job that you choose to do: One of the biggest regrets for
many in their death beds is to have worked so much; Many also regret not
spending more time with their children; Moms are constantly being attacked to
stay at home while feminists continue to talk about the need for gender
equality and women to be able to work—going on a tangent here with moms working
let’s ask then who takes care of the
kids if both parents are working? Oh, no worries…Maria and Dorota are here to
the rescue! Because even feminists who are capitalist are deeply wrong. Because
in our society there is no room not just for gender but for racial or class
equality.
I’m sitting with my hair wet because I just dyed a strip of it
blond in search for self esteem and some sort of adventure. You see, where we
stand in this imaginary line of success—whatever our dreams are—really do
affect us deeply. But I’ve come to the realization that just like the dye that
I bought, just like the importance of the number of shoes that a person owns,
just like pretty much everything on TV ranging from the Kardashians to the
morning news, our career and dreams were nothing but a capitalist social
construction. They are a mere comparison to others and a way of getting to the
second half of that “success” line that wouldn’t be necessary if we all truly
lived in an equal society.
And many try to be good. We try to donate our time and
money to different causes. Some take small trips to other countries in order to
help build schools, hospitals, etc. Some people even dedicate their lives to
causes such as a fighting for the environment, advocating for LGBT rights,
advocating for pro-abortion rights. But this narrative needs to change
completely in order for each one of us to have a purpose and in order for each
one of those human rights fights to be won. Human existence would really
flourish if we all stood in solidarity and worked together to move forward,
rather than have everyone survive on their own. This “survival of the fittest”
narrative is nothing but a ridiculous and ignorant justification for capitalism
and a misunderstanding of Darwinism. Natural selection is not about survival of
the fittest person but rather about survival of the fittest traits and
characteristics of human beings; and a society that is racist, misogynist, and
violent will not contribute anything to the advancement of the human race. A
society that will contribute to making our existence worthwhile has already
been imagined by Karl Marx and Frederick Engels, and further explained by
others. And if your only understanding of Marxism is Stalin’s Soviet Union then
you are mistaken.
And so, what I’d like to end this with is a vow to stop
thinking about my own success and to use my skills to serve a greater cause in
solidarity with my comrades. You see my struggle is a class struggle. I am successful because I am finally awake. Are
you?
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